Emotions

Here we are. In one week I’ll be running the Santa Rosa Marathon with a goal to qualify for the Boston Marathon and I’m here to tell you about all the emotions that are travelling with me to the journey towards the starting line. We never have one single emotion. We have emotional bowls of gumbo and all of the ingredients serve a purpose. The secret is in how their mixed and balanced together. I’m currently excited, fearful, proud, ashamed, angry and happy all at the same time. I don’t see any of the emotions listed above as negative. I see them as fuel like the carb load I’ll be doing in a few days.

Marathon training has been grueling in the most beautiful way. I’ve laughed, cried, danced, crawled, bled, and sweated A LOT. The journey has been beautiful in the ugliest way possible. Training for a marathon is like therapy where you consistently show up to unpack and address your weaknesses. You make a conscious choice to lace up your shoes, walk out the door and do something that you know is going to hurt. Training consistently doesn’t just change how you run. It alters your sleep pattern, what you eat, how you walk up and down stairs and as most of you have noticed, it changes what you talk about with other people including social media (I offer no apologies).

This has been quite a journey and these emotions didn’t just get in the car. They’ve been with me every mile. I’ve been excited or fearful as I walked out the door to do difficult runs. I’ve been proud and ashamed at the end of some of those same runs. I’ve been angry and happy in and with many aspects along the process. There’s been highs and lows, but it’s all a part of the process.

Any and all of those emotions may visit me on race day. The important thing to remember is that these emotions aren’t a part of me. They’re like visitors in your home. They don’t live there but their presence and energy can have an effect on the home.

Excitement

Are you kidding me? I’m excited about so many things I can’t fully describe it, but I’ll do my best. Every night for months, I’ve envisioned myself ringing the Boston Qualifier Bell after crossing the finish line. For those unfamiliar, please allow me to elaborate. There are MILLIONS of people trying to get into the Boston Marathon. In order to qualify you have to run under a certain time that’s determined by your age and sex. For more info click here. We’ll be here when you get back.

Completing a marathon is difficult, but if you complete one in a time that qualifies you to run the Boston Marathon, confetti should fall from the clouds and the angels should play “I Got Five On It” on their harps. The Boston Marathon’s mascot isn’t a unicorn for no reason. It’s a highly coveted goal that millions of people try and fail at every year.

In this moment, I just drifted off wondering if they have a Boston Qualifying Bell at the finish line or if I need to bring my own. I’ll email the race director, but for now, let’s get back into our emotions. I’M EXCITED!

Fear

Let’s address the big azz elephant in the room. A part of me is terrified about this race for many reasons. I’ve never run the Santa Rosa Marathon nor have I run a summer marathon which brings its share of challenges. On top of that, I’ll be walking to the line with high expectations and the one person I’m always afraid of letting down is myself. I’m scared of the possibility of failure, but I don’t look at this as a bad thing.

If I were crossing a pit of lava hopping from stone to stone I’d fear falling to my demise. This fear would force me to focus on each and every step closely. It would enhance my drive to succeed because failing in such a situation is fatal. When driving, fear of crashing heightens your senses and keeps you alert and cautious. Fear isn’t an enemy. It’s a friend, but that irrational and overreacting friend that you would never let drive your car.

Pride

I’ve made it through the toughest training cycle that I’ve ever done! I’ve made it through over 200 hours of running so far this year injury free. Well…there was that one incident with the fire hydrant, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. I’ve faced a lot of internal battles. For an example, I’ll share a story. At the end of several of my runs there’s a hill that’s about 1/2 mile in distance and climbs for about 500 feet. After running around for over an hour, that’s the finale? No thanks. For months I would just stop the watch at the bottom and walk up the hill for a cool down, but then I though about it. At the very end of a marathon is when I’m going to be the most tired and it’s going to be the most difficult portion of the race. Am I training myself to walk when things get tough?

From that moment on, I began finishing my runs by running up the hill. No matter how tired I was or how much I didn’t want to, I’d power through each unsparing step. Training is about more than training yourself physically. It’s about building your mental toughness to endure when the worst of the emotions comes over for a visit and puts their dirty shoes on your couch.

Shame

This has been a tough one. Marathon training is exceptionally time consuming and it affects your entire family. Every time I lace up and head out of the door to train for hours at a time, it’s time that I could be spending with my wife or kids. Even when I’m not running, I have to get more sleep because I’m physically exhausted leaving even less time to spend with loved ones. I try my best to not wake anyone while pouting or skipping my way out the door

Long story short, it’s time consuming and I’m appreciative of my family for allowing me to be somewhat selfish in this quest. We’ve all invested a lot and I plan to make this investment pay off for all of us.

Anger

I’ve been angry for several reasons through this process. Nothing goes perfectly as planned all the time and when training for a marathon while being a husband, father and entrepreneur…let’s just say that there’s a lot of variables. There’s runs I wasn’t able to do. Runs that completely went awry. Life occurrences that required my full attention leaving marathon training on the backburner. Life happens.

We all get upset about things. It’s just important to step back and take time to see the entire picture and not focus too closely on each brush stroke because what you regret today, you may thank God for later.

During the race, someone may cut me off or spill water on me while trying to cool themselves off. Anger may arise, but how we respond when angry is all we can control.

Joy

Let’s start with the obvious, I’m happy that this marathon training cycle is coming to a close. During most road races as you get closer to the finish line you begin to hear the DJ music or the announcer. Before this moment you may have felt like you had so far to go, but this audible cue snaps you into the reality that you are approaching the finish line. In this moment I can hear the music and it’s giving me a surge of energy and sense of relief that I can’t even describe.

I’m grateful for the lessons that I learned along the way. In challenging times we’re forced to expand who we are or shrink to the opposition. I’m thankful for my expansion and ready to face the final opposition in this chapter with all of the emotions listed above along for the ride.

Thank you as well for joining me on this journey. I pray that something you read over these years has been something that inspired or encouraged you. As I enter into the final stages of race preparation I’ll probably turn into a recluse, but I’ll return with a race recap once the dust settles.

Thank you for your support and prayers. Regardless of the results, I’ve truly enjoyed the journey and I’ve grown from the process.

Oh, and just in case the Santa Rosa Marathon doesn’t have a bell, I’ll be picking this up tomorrow because planning for success is the first step in succeeding! LOL but absolutely serious.

See ya’ll on the other side.